The Naughty Natal Report
Interpretations of the humorous kind for:
October 9, 1940
6:30 PMManchester, England
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* This astrological analysis is based
on the following astrological data:
Sun 16 Lib 16Moon 3 Aqu
33Mercury 8 Sco 33
Venus 3 Vir 13Mars 2
War Time observed
GMT: 17:30:00 Time Zone: 0 hours West
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Sun in Libra:
Libra - Key words: Head in the clouds, while falling
off a cliff
" Fly me to the moon" is the motto of this air sign. "If
we aren't going to get married, let me know now, I have a date
tomorrow", says the impatient Libra.
Libra is the chemical parent of Librium, a tranquilizer
which, by the way, is a wonderful way of not caring about anything.
Librans have a talent for nastiness at times, and can swear
so fluently that is frightens everyone, but then again, everyone has
their niche in life. Do you need someone unreliable who is not able to
keep a secret? Count on a Libra native to spill the beans every time!
Libra people are very easy to spot, as these are the people
who can be looking straight at you, and not hear a word that you say, or
care! Try to be kind to them, as they spend so much time in another
realm that few of us ever see, that they forget about the mundane things
of life, like reality.
Some cheap advice: Revenge doesn't belong to Librans, and
when they are old enough and mature enough to accept and understand
this, they won't spend hours planning the perfect revenge, as Librans
are great at carrying grudges and remembering the slightest slights.
Librans must use caution as sudden headaches can be a burden to them as
well, and must drink plenty of water to keep the kidneys operating in
tip top order.
Concentration wise, Libra's are the type of people who can
go upstairs for something, and have no idea what they are doing up there
in the first place, come back down stairs and begin again.
If flirting was a vocation, Libra would easily be a
millionaire a hundred times over, as Librans often confuse love and
friendship and are often accused of being loose in the caboose in the
Libras have a great sense of humor, and everyone, everywhere
knows they are in the room by the loud manner in which they laugh.
Moon in Aquarius:
The Emotions - This is what I really need to be complete.
An erratic and unstable nature exists for the person with
the Moon in Aquarius. They are lovingly the eternal fruit loops of the
universe, where many original thoughts can emerge if they can sort it
out of the constant trash removal service that lives in their minds.
Cold feelings towards others can exist for the Moon in
Aquarius person, because they can't understand their own emotional
needs, much less the needs of others, hence they become a truly detached
person emotionally. How can you relate to love or closeness to others if
you are locked in the eternal darkness of your mind? This is the turmoil
for the Moon in Aquarius person.
Moon in Aquarius's can be very selfish individuals, but they
do it in a friendly way. People with their Moon in Aquarius can suffer
from Arthritis later in life because they never learned to lighten up!
Moon in Aquarius people love and need challenges in love,
such as crawling through a mine field to get to the center where a
hundred naked love Gods or Goddesses are chanting their name in unison.
What a rush! Moon in Aquarius people have one very disturbing and
annoying habit however, they need to stop talking and making those
stupid, forced and rehearsed sounds during sex. I'm willing to bet these
are the people who dub those phony sound tracks on XXX videos.
Mercury in Scorpio:
Mercury represents the thought process and what the mind
sends to the body. Mercury rules how we communicate, what we talk about,
and what we think about. Bearing that in mind, here is what they are apt
to think and talk about.
Here is the original two edged sword looking for the
chopping block. These people are so secretive, that they don't even talk
to themselves, but Scorpio natives are perceptive of others and know
just when other people are vulnerable so they can swoop down and pounce
Here is another one of those signs that is overcritical
of everyone but themselves, the self appointed judge and jury. They
should have be policemen, spies, or detectives, peering into everyones
secret lives like a common criminal.
Love that is mysterious, behind the scenes and down and
dirty, that's Mercury in Scorpio. Sounds like love making with 007, with
the same air of danger connected with it. Come to think love making
while being attacked would be perfect for them. They can probably be
found in dark alleys picking up stray cats doing unspeakable things just
for the intrigue.
These must have been the original streakers, who ran nude
across the campus. Anything bizarre or perverse is fine for them. They
should avoid using the concept of running through the streets nude as a
tool for sex, because it won't work. Okay, it might!
This kind of person is the movie director who invites you
up to his office to audition for him. "Sit on my couch my dear, let's
see what develops".
Venus in Virgo:
Venus defined is: Romance, the action that brings
satisfaction. Food, flowers, little chubby people shooting arrows,
fertility, and lots of groveling. Here is how the art of love is
interpreted by this placement of Venus:
A satisfactory relationship for this person consists of a
can of bug spray squirted in the face of the loved one. If they make it
through the Emergency Room then love stands a good chance of surviving.
Living in a very sterile world is their forte, and females would make
great housewives as long as you have them wired correctly, check the
programming often, and keep a broom, mop, or kitchen utensil in their
hand. All other elements of existence are void, non-existent, and
especially not covered by manufacturers warranty.
To Venus in Virgo natives lovemaking is about as
interesting as a priest at a peep show. Well, most of them anyway. They
will probably be a lot of fun during sex, if they ever get out of the
twilight zone! Planning sex for them is the same as planning strategy in
a football game, if all of the players are not in the right position,
there won't be any touchdown.
How do you actually spot this Vixen of Virtue? She is
very easy to find. She has dinner on the table, greets you at the door
only because you have dirty shoes, and says "kiss kiss, hug, hug" (words
only, there is no visible physical contact involved). Making love to
this person is as mechanical as fixing your car.
Romance for them is to hang out at a monastery, and look
for rejects. A note of caution: Never, ever walk in on this placement
while they are on the thrown, this is where they spend most of their
recreational time and they are very guarded about their privacy.
A romantic evening for Venus in Virgo would be to put a
dinner plate on the table for their favorite animal, as it asks for
nothing and give so much. Venus in Virgo people really get off on this.
Never, under any circumstances, allow anyone with this
placement to go into the bathroom to change into something more
comfortable because you will never, ever see them again.
Real romance for Venus in Virgo is found in men who are
married, terminal patients, or totally disabled.
Yes, people do have to get undressed to have sex, Venus
in Virgo. I didn't invent it, it's just one of those things that you
have to do. It's a whole concept.
Mars in Libra:
Mars defined: "Its get down and dirty time". Raw passions
unleashed upon suspecting and non suspecting persons. Actions desiring
prompt and equal reactions of any kind. To get very specific, this is
how this great bundle of energy is used in the personal natal chart.
This is how that energy interacts with their surroundings.
Rulership is mine says this placement of Mars. You need a
partner who is open to love making adventures, like diving off a cliff
or having sex in the path of an approaching speedboat. This is true
At other times they are so considerate of their romantic
partner, that they will sit down with them and fill out a questionnaire
of likes and dislikes, turn-ons and turnoffs, times, dates and places.
How sweet and considerate, and a true description of Mars in Libra.
These people must have their own way with this position
of Libra. They swing like the scales, an easy going pain in the neck.
They can be kind and gentile, or drive you off the road in their car. If
this person would ever learn that anger isn't the answer and adopt an
attitude of waiting, the desired outcome will come to pass, but no,
they've got to take matters into their own hands screwing up the works.
Well, see if I care then!
Oddly enough, a lousy marriage is like spiritual
awareness in the final examination of things for these natives. They are
very intuitive people and must learn to be aggressive and humble
equally. In other words learn when to act and when to shut up!
This placement has all the intimacy of two people running
towards each other without their feet ever touching the ground. Think
about it, it will come to you. Here is the person who is able to make
love to an illusion, or some reasonable facsimile.
They have a talent for nastiness, and can swear so
fluently that it frightens everyone.